Sunday, September 8, 2013

Mess or Masterpiece?



A few months ago my friend Misty and I met for an impromptu play date at the park.  As we were chasing our kids around, she asked me a question that made me chuckle.  "So what do you do all day?"  It's a question we often ask ourselves as mothers, but not many are brave enough to put out in the open.  We soon discovered that I spent most of the day doing "damage control" with my eighteen-month old son, who enjoys rampaging through the trash and emptying  cabinets, and she was going through the separation anxiety phase with her 10-month-old daughter.  Activities that, in the grand trajectory of life, may not seem to matter.  Times when it's easy to question whether we are really making an impact, doing something valuable with our lives.

Then comes social media.  Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, you name it… everyone's seemingly neat little lives posted for the whole world to see, and endless opportunities for mothers to make comparisons which lead to feelings of inadequacy.  We talked about the perfectly made crafts we see mothers doing with their children on Pinterest, and I wondered if anyone posted advice for dealing with the consequential headache.

Our conversation reminded me of a parenting devotion I recently read by Jim Daly, who states that one of the pitfalls we often make when raising children, especially when we spend significant time looking at social media, is that we compare other people's "highlights" to our "blooper reels."  Although there are some exceptions, most moms aren't posting on Facebook about their son's decision to redecorate his room with poop or their daughter's spontaneous meltdown on aisle ten of the grocery store.  And when we compare these types of moments to someone else's "highlights," when the kids are behaving and playing nicely, not only do we set ourselves up for disappointment but we miss out on the blessings and gifts God has given each of us, uniquely shaped and made to reflect His glory.

Paul writes in Ephesians "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."  (Ephesians 2:10, New Living Translation)  Not God's rough draft, scrap work, or mistake.  God's masterpiece.  Embrace this truth, fellow moms.  Although there will be moments, sometimes even days, when it feels like your life is simply one huge mess, each event tells a beautiful story.  When we step back and see the connectedness, how the way we handle the discouraging times  affects the course of our lives,  we can then catch a glimpse of the bigger picture.  Then we realize that even when covered in spit up and poop, if we love God and love our children even the "blooper reels" really do matter.
            

64 comments:

  1. What a great post.

    It's funny because I feel more wedded to the small teaching moments that God offers, like being puked on, versus the science project that won a prize. I had lunch with my friends the other day and they were complaining about how bad Pinterest makes them feel. All of these women are wonderful moms. I am going to forward your post to them as a follow up to our conversation, because it's so true that each moment tells a beautiful story.

    Well said! And the next time someone asks you what you do all day, I hope you tell them, "love my kids. what do you do?"

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    1. Thank you for your kind words and for forwarding my post to your friends. I hope they are encouraged by it. It's so great that you find the teaching in those little moments. And your last comment literally made me laugh out loud. Thanks. :-)

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  2. How true it is that people only tend to display the happy/perfect seeming moments across social media. It can be hard not to compare. Thanks for the little reminder that we are a masterpiece no matter how inadequate we feel.

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    1. Thanks for stopping here, Amber! I'm glad you were encouraged and I really enjoyed the Budget tips for eating healthy on your blog post. That's one of the things I struggle with!

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  3. I on the other hand try to share humor and make others feel better when I share my catastrophes. My daily life is almost always good for a laugh. Like recently when I was trying to do a makeup filming of three videos with our film crew and then in the quick change process when it was over walked into the office with my dress on inside out. Yep you read it right. Entire Dress. Inside Out.

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    1. That is so hilarious! Thanks for sharing. It's great that you can share humor in those types of moments.

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  4. Yes, Praise God that we can still find our worth in Him when we can see it in the world around us.
    --Gena

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  5. It's so hard not to compare ourselves with others when we spend a lot of time on social media, and let's face it, as bloggers it's a vital part of what we do. But instead of comparing, I try to admire and move on. Pinterest can take up so much time just browsing around, but if I let myself start wishing that I could be so creative, I'm just going to spend more time feeling down and inadequate. And that's not fair to me! So I appreciate and enjoy the things I see and try to curb those jealous feelings as much as possible. That doesn't always work, but at least it makes me more conscious of those feelings and helps me to deal with them.

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    1. That's a great way to enjoy social media. Just admire and move on. We each have our own unique talents.

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  6. I think it is inevitable that we all will or have compared ourselves to other parents and feel like we are not quite what we should be. It is just what we do as humans. But I found as I got older and wiser it just didn't matter to me anymore. There will also be times that your children will let you know that as a parent, "you did good."

    My kids who are now adults are thriving and happy and that is the most important thing. They thank me for their childhood and talk fondly of different memories.

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    1. That's great to know there's a light at the end of the parenting tunnel, Pam! How nice to have your children look fondly on those memories.

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  7. Great post. I think it's so common for moms to do the comparison thing, but when we do we either end up putting someone else down or feeling bad about ourselves...it's a lose-lose.

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    1. So true, Krissa. I think it is very common but just try to recognize my own unique gifts and realize that we are all different.

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  8. Great post! My post for the comment-a-thon has some similar feelings in re: to social media. Glad to see I'm not alone! :)

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    1. Thanks, Dee! I enjoyed your post also. Social media is great but we have to use it with perspective, for sure.

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  9. Thanks for the reality check. I've wondered why some of the blogs I read are always a feel good post. I know we need to be up lifting, encouraging & offer something new but I also think we can do that though the reality of life. Being truthful. Being real.
    I'm following.

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    1. Thanks so much for the follow, Cindy. Yes, I think it is so important to be real. Anything else is not worth the time.

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  10. OH what a great post! I find myself having to walk away from facebook or try not to let it ovewhelm me. I see everyones perfect kid, dog, husband, job, vacation etc. I did see a post where it said do not compare your chapter 1 with someone elses 22. Little Johnny might have gone to the moon and came back and found a cure for cancer, at the age of 7 but my kids can do their own great things. God does have a plan and though we might be able to be crafty or go to the moon we all can do things to help others in some way. Thannks for the post!

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    1. Thanks so much! Yes, FB can get overwhelming for me too and I have to take a break every now and them. Yes, we all have our own gifts and using them brings so much joy.

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  11. This post is great, and came at a time when I really needed to hear it. I like that you point out we are not a rough draft, but a MASTERPIECE. Thank you for helping to calm my current state of mess.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I really need to hear this too sometimes.

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  12. Wow Masterpiece?! That makes me feel tiny and big at the same time :) Thanks so much for sharing!

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    1. Yes, it's overwhelming but so wonderful at the same time, right? Thanks so much for stopping by.

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  13. You and your friend have a really good perspective on parenting at this stage of your children's lives. So glad to see another generation of Christian mothers are finding Focus on the Family as helpful as I did when I was raising my five children. Blessings!

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    1. Yes Holly, they have some really awesome parenting advice and are such a helpful resource. Thanks so much for your kind words.

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  14. YES!!!! I often wonder how the moms on Pinterest have the time to make these perfect crafts when I don't have 5 minutes to myself. I spent lots of time comparing but I never thought of it being there highlight compared to my blooper reel. There are lots of days (especially when I changed my shirt 4 times due to spit up) that I wonder if I am failing as a mom, but this post reminds me of what God sees in all of us.

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    1. I'm so glad, Sara. Thanks so much for your comment. I have to be reminded some days also.

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  15. You can never duplicate the amazing pictures on pinterest. I know those pictures are all altered! ALL of them! *lol* Thanks for the reminder that we are all masterpieces!

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    1. LOL! You have to think so, right! Thanks for your comment.

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  16. My sister and I often write about the realities of parenthood on our blog because more often than not, parenting isn't what we originally expected it would be like. We posted pics all of the time - when our kids were younger - with them destroying the kitchen, or covering themselves in Vaseline when we weren't looking, or just being gremlins.

    However, with that said, I really enjoy Pinterest. But, I think that's because I use it for inspiration versus a comparison of what I need to be like. There are so many projects on Pinterest that I will never-ever do, but I enjoy seeing how creative other people can be. If they can make a baby crib from a recycled pallet - more power to them. I can't, but that doesn't mean I am going to beat myself up over it. :)

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    1. Yes Denine, I enjoy Pinterest too. I've found some really great ideas on there and some awesome recipes. I believe we have to view everything with the perspective that we are all unique.

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  17. Parenthood is definitely a challenge without all the distractions. I would have hated to see my blooper reel. But, my kids grew to be very happy adults who make a good contribution to the world, in spite of me.

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  18. As a mother and grandmother with grown grandchildren, let me say that the tendency to negatively compare ourselves to others existed long before the internet. It is so easy to find someone we think is richer, smarter, better organized, etc. than we are. We do not see their "bad days" or their hidden "little secrets." I just did the "best I could", and, like Peg, managed to raise three well-adjusted, happy adults who raised well-adjusted, happy adults themselves. My advice to current Moms, keep putting one foot in front of the other, say lots of prayers, and try not to compare. You will make it to the end of the tunnel.

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  19. The Mommy Wars start the second you announce a pregnancy. "I only gained 5 lbs!!!!" Then "I came home from the hospital in pre pregnancy clothes!! Did YOU??" It just gets better......sleeping through the night, first tooth/word/nobel prize. I had a "friend" who did that constantly. She'd brag, then ask about my child. Her child was very very physically adept, while mine was more mental. Even now, they excel in totally different areas. Even now, she still tries to belittle my child's accomplishments. (can you tell we don't talk much anymore??!! lol)

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    1. Oh my, yes you definitely need to distance yourself from that! Every child is different. My firstborn is more mentally than physically inclined as well.

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  20. Great post. Whenever I'm feeling like I'm not measuring up, I stay far away from social media. I know that it will just make me feel worse.

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    1. Yes, me too! Sometimes it's nice to just take a break.

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  21. This is so very true. I recently took a 2 month blogging break because honestly? I needed to step back from the constant barrage of ideas, recipes, etc. The break was SO good for me and I realized that blogging often causes us to envy. I wrote a post about it here:http://www.eatprayreadlove.com/2013/08/the-little-green-monster-im-back.html

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    1. Thanks for sharing, Kelli! I think we all need a little reprieve every now and then.

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  22. If you can’t laugh at your bloopers then you can you laugh at? I try to teach me kids that when you make a mistake of when something bad happens in life you need to learn to laugh at it. Sometimes it seems to be the only way I can get through life sometimes.

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    1. Yes, laughing at your bloopers is great medicine. It's great for your kids to see you laugh at yourself too.

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  23. I can totally relate. I was at a point, when I let social media get the best of me. I chose to pray and I asked the Lord to help me fast from it for a while. There is a way to do it even when having to be on it a lot for our blog, etc. . . Thank you for your post. I feel you and I are very similar in how we feel about encouraging others with our writings. I subscribed to your blog and look forward to reading more! Blessings!

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement, Rosenda! Yes, I think there may come a point when I have to fast from it too. I have taken a short break here and there. So glad to hear you're following and I look forward to reading your posts as well.

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  24. Such a relevant post and you are a beautiful writer. I am not a mom, yet, but I am still guilty of comparing my life to those of my friends and family on Facebook. Facebook really does have a way of making everything look beautiful and idyllic. Thanks for this encouragement. Beautifully expressed.

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind words, Krista, and for adding me. Looking forward to reading your posts.

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  25. I guess I have some really open and honest friends on facebook, because I think I hear more about the bloopers, bumps and mistakes than the good times. I think that's a good thing, because we need to see that others are going through the same things we are.

    My children are getting older now, my oldest is 19 and youngest is 9 and I remember thinking those same things that you are when they were little. Those little things that seem insignificant really do matter. Your children will remember all those "little" things you did with them and most importantly they will remember that you were there for them. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thanks for your kind words, Rachelle! Yes, a few of my friends are really honest on FB too and it is very refreshing to know we moms share the same struggles.

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  26. Since I'm a social media addict I know what you were saying about only sharing the GOOD STUFF and not what really is happening. I love to hear from my friends their kids are not perfect like I see on FB.

    Of course I haven't blogged about every thing my kids have done but I do tend to post more FEEL GOOD. My kids do say "mom don't put that on FB" LOL! I usually don't. Thanks for your insights.

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    1. Yes, I mostly share positive things on FB too Pam. And things my kids say or do that are funny. Thanks for your comment!

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  27. We all have blooper reels it's a part of life and sometimes it may seem like we have more than our fair share, but what can you do? Just grin and bear it for tomorrow is another day.
    Jae Mac @ I'm Just Sayin'...(Damn!)

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    1. So true, we all have blooper reels and sometimes we just have to laugh at them. Yes, tomorrow is a new day.

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  28. Great post! Our world is so caught up in physical beauty that sometimes it's hard to remember that we are all beautiful to Him. I often have to remind myself that I am beautiful simply because I am His.

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    1. Thank you so much Nikki! Yes, I have to remind myself of this truth often.

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  29. I just love this. I've been struggling with not feeling like I'm doing a good job parenting lately, and it seems a lot of fellow bloggers are reminding each other that it's not about doing it all perfectly, which I'm so thankful for.
    Oh, and I have an 18 month old, too. We call him "the terrorist" because he's constantly trying to flush things, play in the trash, or get his hands on sharp objects! It really is easy to get to the end of the day and go "what did I actually accomplish"? Sometimes, I just need an hour to have a few complete thoughts! I guess that's why I blog, to have a place to escape and "think my thoughts", as my favorite author, Jen Hatmaker, says. :)
    Sorry this comment is so long, this article really connected with me. Keep up the good work!

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words, Sarah. I am so glad to hear that it connected with you. I've heard a lot of great things about Jen Hatmaker but aside from reading a blog post here and there, I haven't read much of her writing. I need to check her out. :-)

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  30. It's so easy to fall into the trap of comparing our parenting skills to others. We just have to remind ourselves that every one has their short comings and unplug from pinterest, facebook etc when we feel a bit of envy or inadequacy creeping in. What we see as terrible moments now will be the funniest memories when they're grown, see my recent post on this:
    http://www.lush-fab-glam.com/2013/09/stop-and-smell-roses.html

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    1. Thanks for sharing! Yes, it is definitely important to unplug every now and then and recognize when those feelings are trying to take over.

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  31. It is so easy to compare ourselves to others in all sorts of aspects in our lives especially to parenting. Parents of older kids can forget what it was really like when they were younger and be judgmental or sometimes you look up to those older kids and think how well behaved they are. Well, they're older and not necessarily well behaved all the time, just at that moment. The great thing about the internet is we can pick and choose which things we post about and we can even fix up our not so masterpiece's with Photoshop if we need to make them look better. Be happy with who you are. Everyone has a mess somewhere. It just might not be right out there for you to see. Krista @ A Handful of Everything

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement, Krista! It's so true; we never know what's going on in someone's life, especially when our only contact is on the internet.

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  32. You're right, it is so easy to compare ourselves to others! If we just take a step back to focus on what we're grateful for, we can embrace the the stress & chaos in our daily lives. Just because we have a Picasso-esque view of our life, it doesn't mean that it isn't a masterpiece. (:

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    1. Thanks so much for stopping here, Marissa. Yes, it's true that when I step back and take a moment to focus on my blessings I can breathe and appreciate the chaos as well.

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