I've walked the road of trying to fill myself with things other than God many, many times. And every time, I have failed. Whether it be staying busy, shopping for clothes I didn't need, or having one more drink, nothing sustained me and filled me like the grace and love God poured into my life when I sought Him for the first time. It is a daily commitment and oftentimes, struggle, to keep Him at the center of my life, but as Paul writes in Galatians, "I have been crucified with Christ so I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." It is only by the Spirit that I can live the life God has planned for me. I make the decision to live by the Spirit instead the flesh moment by moment, day by day. And when I fail, He is there to pick me up again when I return to his loving arms. Although in this life we only catch little glimpse of his glory in comparison to what awaits us in Heaven, it is in those moments when I sense his presence and know I've done his will that I feel most complete.
Only Jesus, the name that is above all names and by which every knee shall bow, is enough. He is sufficient to cover my sin, to pay the the debt which I never could. "For if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" (Gal. 2:21) Even though there are times I try to perform, behave, or meet some arbitrary standard of worthiness, I always find myself at the foot of the cross, the only place where I am righteous in the sight of God.
I believe many women spend their lives searching for that special friend or soul mate who truly "gets us." Who understands our little quirks and nuances. Who doesn't get angry when we fall short because they understand we are only doing our best. I spent much of my life trying to find that person as well. But the truth is, God is in the only one in this universe, or any universe, who truly understands the depths of our being. He made us and knows things about each one of us that we don't even grasp ourselves. As in says in Psalm 139:1, "Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me."
Searched me. Wow. I don't know about you, but that statement blows my mind. When I look up the word search in the dictionary some of the definitions which are listed are, "to examine thoroughly in order to find something," and some synonyms are "look through, forage for, seek, leave no stone unturned." Is there anyone one this earth you can say has searched you? My guess would be no.
I'm eternally grateful that I have a God who knows every aspect of me and my personality, yet loves me anyway, to walk through this life with me. We will not leave this journey here on earth without battle wounds, some of us more than others. But God's endless love and provision is enough to get us through to the finish line. One of my favorite books in the Bible is Philippians, and it remind us that, "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 1:6) When I remember this promise, I am filled with peace in the midst of the storm.