From Fear to Trust

About a week ago I learned something new about my oldest son, Jaden.  He is afraid of heights.  It was interesting because he had never displayed this phobia before, and yet there it was, completely obvious to me and my husband, Chris.  We were taking a walk in a nearby state park and had stopped on a bridge which crosses over a dam.  Chris lifted Jaden up to get a better view of the ravine below, and although he was holding my son quite securely, Jaden latched on to him, afraid of the expanse that divided him and the ground below.  I'd seen him ride roller coasters, even a free fall ride at an amusement park, and he'd never given indication of any emotion other than pure delight.  And then it occurred to me.  "He was strapped in.  The straps made him feel safe."  

After Chris spoke calmingly to my son, assuring him that he would not let him go, his body relaxed a bit, but his grip never loosened.  Now, I'm sure most of you are thinking this response is completely natural for an almost-five-year-old and I completely agree, but it started me thinking about that ball-and-chain emotion.  It keeps you awake at night, stops you from applying for that job you've been eyeing, and can even prevent you from making new friends.  But most of all it hinders us from experiencing the life that God intended for us, or, as NewSpring pastor Perry Noble puts it, a life "unleashed."

I write about fear because it controlled me for many years, and still rears its ugly head with regularity, but I'm learning that God never intended me to live life in a shell, only protruding my head when life became so chaotic that I had no other choice.  Although I talk about my avoidance of stereotypes and cliches in my bio, fear is one of the main reasons I was hesitant to start this blog.  Fear of what people would say.  Fear of being judged and being exposed to negativity.  Fear that people would read it and think to themselves, "My experience is so much more profound."  I know, silly.  But if that is the case, good.  Go use it for God's glory.  In summary, I was afraid of rejection, because acceptance is something we all crave and if we deny it we are simply fooling ourselves.  Sometimes we will even change our own identity in search of it, compromising ourselves in a way that destroys us rather than making us stronger.

I mentioned in my previous post that being a mother has changed me, and one of the ways God has made me grow is in my ability to move past my fear and into a habit of trust.  Trusting that if God is quietly nudging my heart to do something, there is a reason why.  And chances are his vision is much grander and more magnificent than mine.  If I rely on his strength rather than my own, little by little, I begin to see the vista rather than the ground.

"But those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31