When You Face Rejection

As I perused the publisher's rejection letter, I felt like I was in middle school gym class all over again, waiting for one of the team captains to call my name. The words "unable to place" and "good luck" stood out in crisp contrast to the white of the page. Although this wasn't the first time, nor would it be the last, I felt the need to crawl back into bed even though it was 3:30 in the afternoon.

One of my first writing teachers had prepared me for this. He once told me he'd considered using all of the rejection letters he'd received over the years as wallpaper for his office. His writing space. A twisted sort of motivation to keeping trying, and to submit only his best work.

As much as we try to prepare ourselves for rejection, it always stings. We make ourselves vulnerable, wrapping the essence of ourselves in words and then bravely put them on display for the entire world to see. And sometimes the world simply doesn't have the have the same connection with the words that we do.

We call out to God in prayer, asking him to bless our pursuits while telling ourselves that we really do desire his will and his timing, but when we receive the dreaded answer that we must wait, we hang our heads in despair. We don't like it. We tap our feet with restless uncertainty, trying our best to tame the fire that burns within us. Wondering how we can possibly handle another decline, another "no." But when He finally answers, we realize that his plan far exceeded anything our wildest dreams could've set in motion.

Our culture fervently screams "now is best," but God calls us to yield and rest.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

When Doubt Rears Its Shadow

photo courtesy of lindabutlerphoto.com

What if self doubt didn't have the final say? I wondered as my fingers hovered over the mouse board, dancing with the idea of attending my first writer's conference. My husband and usual sounding board was away on a business trip, so I sat there for ten minutes having an inner monologue. Finally, I took the leap.

I clicked the register button. Phew! It's done. Feelings of excitement mixed with nervousness washed over me, and I rode on the high of that combination until the following weekend.

Immediately after opening my eyes and springing forward into Daylight Savings, the uncertainty seeped in. Did I honestly say that I want to meet with a publisher? I've never written a book proposal before. I have no list of accolades to add to a query or to present at this meeting. I don't have 20k + Twitter followers. Who am I to think these people would choose me out of the hundreds looking for a book deal?

At that moment, I felt like Gideon could have been my brother. God had given me confirmation before. I was brainstorming ideas for a book, had a "light bulb" moment, and prayed asking for validation of the road He wanted me to take. He provided. And here I was asking for further proof. Another push.

My devotion that afternoon led me to these verses from Job 42. "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." As the tears welled in my eyes, I thanked God yet again for his mercy. His patience with me, even when my faith is as tiny as a mustard seed.

I know my future meeting with a publisher may end with a rejection letter. And quite possibly another may follow. But I also know this: I would rather try and fail than spend my life wondering what could have been possible if I went for it. If I went after that dream.

God placed it deep within my heart so many years ago. It's been molded and etched and pressed upon until I finally realized.

It's all for Him.

Doing "A New Thing" When You're Proud and Scared

I want to share a little secret with you, my readers. My friends who I receive so much encouragement from day in and day out. I've stated before that one of the main reasons I waited so long to start a blog was fear. And this is painfully true. But it was also pride. You see, I had this notion in my head that blogging was a cliche thing for an aspiring writer to do. That it cheapened it somehow. Because let's face it. Anyone can start a blog. In much the same way photography has become a saturated market, you don't have to have a degree in Journalism or be a college professor or have any list of credentials behind your name to have a website on the big, endless world of social media. It seemed the predictable, stereotypical next step after becoming a stay-at-home mom. And those of you who know me know I loathe stereotypes.

Another deterrent was that I knew if I started a blog, it would not be a typical mom or family blog. Although I love reading friends' posts sharing their kids latest antics and funny stories, I knew that if I wrote something for the internet it would be deeply personal, vulnerable and real. Because I think women have a deep seeded desire, both in mothering and day to day life, to know they are not alone. I wanted it to be a ministry of sorts. And as I stated before, that terrified me.

After resisting what I sensed was God's urging for several months, he spoke to me through a friend who I'd shared some of my writing with. Her advice? Start a blog.

You know what I've discovered? God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. I am no better than anyone else, but He chose to love me. His plans are bigger than my own. Far exceeding anything I could hope or imagine. And when I bare myself, when I lay out my heart and words for everyone to see, whether it be with scrutiny or judgement or gentleness and kindness, He gives me grace. He opens my eyes to places I never knew existed.

Although this blog is still a baby, in the eight short months since I put my tiny stamp on the internet I've become aware of an entire community I never knew existed. They have loved me without ever having met me or seen me and put aside all sense of entitlement for the sake of support and motivation. Because that's what encouragement does. It abandons all sense of worthiness or self pride for the sake of another living, breathing, God-created soul.

Through this site, my writing has gone places I may never go. I am amazed. It has skipped over continents, time zones and seasons and given an uplifting start to someone else's day. And that, dear readers, is my desire. To shine a little light into someone else's world, whatever they may be going through at that particular time in their life.

In the blogging world, I know I've barely touched the tip of the iceberg. There is so much to learn and so little time at this point in my life to absorb it. But I know that if I entrust it to God's hands, my writing will continue to take me places I've never dreamed possible.

Writing is meant to be shared. Your story is meant to be shared. Never underestimate the power of it.


"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

Clearing the Clutter

Replenish me with your living water, O God.

I love the ambiance of the Christmas tree and the quiet glow of the decorations that surround the house during December, but honestly, I also love the way the house feels after I take it all down.  Uncluttered.  Returned to it's normal state. More spacious. Our tree was so dried out from the weeks it tried to survive until Christmas that I practically needed body armor to remove the decorations from it's prickly branches. To me, taking the tree down is symbolic of the New Year: A fresh start, new beginnings, a clean slate.

Although the holidays were filled with amazing memories, lots of extra calories, and trips to see loved ones we don't have the opportunity to visit often enough, they also left me feeling a little drained. When asked by a friend what my husband got me for Christmas, I realized how well he knows me. A 90 minute massage. When I first saw the gift card in my stocking I wondered, "Will I even be able to move after that long?" But maybe not being able to move wouldn't be such a bad thing. I am cashing it in. And soon.

I wrapped up the end of 2013 by completing a Proverbs 31 Ministries online Bible study of A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. During the one of the last chapters of the book, she has her readers complete a personality test, with the goal being to learn more about the person God created you to be and embrace the personality traits He's given you. I'd taken the same test when I was in high school, and I learned that while I have grown spiritually, become more confident, and less introverted, my personality is the same. I am a Phleg-Mel. You can read more about this personality here. In a nutshell, my personality type strives for peace and perfection, which are often at odds with each other.

With these character traits, the holidays can often be a stressful time.  I want to make it to every holiday party so as not to disappoint everyone. I want to find the perfect gifts but stay within our budget. And at the end of it all, I just want to lie down and hibernate for the rest of winter.

One of the important truths I learned from that last Bible study of the year is that "not all good things are God's things." (Renee Swope) While meeting the expectations of everyone who enters my life may feel necessary and important, not only is it impossible, but it's likely not in line with what God wants for my life. My goal? To walk in the Spirit. To respond to His still small voice and pursue the calling God has for my life. Often, that means saying "no" to people I care about so I can focus and doing what God's wants me to do, and doing it well.

Often, I feel as though I'm being pulled in a hundred different directions, and that still voice fades into the distance, drowned out by the noise of the demands of little mouths, the running of the dryer, and the endless annoying dinging of my phone. These responsibilities are important, but my goal, what I strive for, is to always put God first. As I was reminded by a recent devotion, it's ok to tell me five year old that I need a few minutes to read God's word. And how awesome is that for my child to see me making time for Him?

God, as I immerse myself in your Word, I know that I will hear your voice more clearly. You have stated that if I seek your Kingdom first, all these things will be added to me. Things I worry about but should place at the foot of the cross. I pray 2014 will bring me even closer to you. Amen.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

From Daydream to Reality

Exploring God's creation always offers excellent opportunities for 

daydreaming.

A couple of years ago when my family was living in northern Utah I took a creative writing course at a local arts council which was taught by a published author.  On the first day he gave us ten steps to be an effective writer and make writing a part of our lives, and one of the steps made me chuckle and think to myself "Yep, that's me." Daydream.  This is a step he'd personally added to a list of others which were commonly used by those in the field.  

I found it interesting because many would argue that daydreaming is not an effective use of one's time.  But yet here was an award-winning writer telling me that I should make this habit part of my daily routine, as it would help me better achieve my aspirations.  If I would allow my mind to wander and my imagination to soar, my thoughts would become words on paper, which would in turn become stories, novellas, and novels.  It was a revelation which I pondered for several days.  As a person who often is torn between a side of me that is creative, artistic and imaginative and another side which is very practical and down-to-earth, the practical side often overshadows the other when I feel the constant need to check items off my to-do list.

"Slow down," I often sense God saying.  I have things I want to tell you.  Plans I want to reveal to you.  Could this be tied into daydreaming?  Could an infinite God shape the thoughts of my finite mind and use his Spirit to place dreams within my thoughts, my heart?  I believe He can.  I know it.  I've experienced it.

Many times, my daydreaming has led me to hopes of becoming a published author, writing novels and books for ministry which would help transform lives and lead women to Jesus.  And then doubt will whisper, "That will never happen.  You're not good enough.  There are many writers out there who are better and have a more intriguing story to offer."  Over the years and the course of several Bible studies, I've realized there is also an Enemy who rules this world who would like nothing better than for me not to fulfill the plans God has for my life.  Spiritual warfare is not just a concoction made up by people who have wild imaginations or extensive paranoia.  It is a reality.

The truth is, when it comes to God's plan for my life, my knowledge isn't even at the tip of the iceberg.  He reveals little pieces of it day by day when I immerse myself in his Word and prayer.  Other days, when I fill my day with mindless tasks and neglect my relationship with Him, I feel lost.  It is a daily struggle but when I earnestly seek Him he never hides his face from me.  One thing I do know is that the dreams and desires within my heart were put there by God.  As it says in Psalm 139:1, "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me." 

As I continue this journey on earth before moving to my eternal destiny, the times that I feel most alive are those when I am embracing the personality, gifts, and dreams my Creator gave me.  Not when I'm comparing myself to others, conforming or competing, but accepting my role in the body of Christ.  I am still discovering what that role is, but the more I more He reveals to me, the more complete I am as the woman God created me to be in Christ Jesus.

What Would You Do?

Today I am participating in Proverbs 31 Ministries' blog hop as we study Renee Swope's book, A Confident Heart.This is an online Bible study which will take place over the next four weeks.

For today's topic I'm writing about some of my God given dreams.

As I state in my bio, writing has been a passion of mine for a long time. Although I've been writing poetry and fiction for many years, non-fiction is a relatively new endeavor. I've been amazed at the support and encouragement I've received from the online community since I started my blog this past summer. I never imagined that God could use people I'd never met to help me realize my potential in Christ. It is truly overwhelming.

When I think about my dreams, more than anything I simply want to encourage women. I want to write, yes, but I want the Spirit to speak through me, to glorify God, and to show women that they are invaluable to their Maker. I especially desire to reach mothers, as I am a stay-at-home mom, and I know that this audience needs daily reminders that what they are doing is praiseworthy and significant.

I know that being a new mom can be especially challenging, and as one who battled postpartum depression for a long time I would love to uplift mothers during this isolating time. To let them know they are not alone and offer support. 

My desire is to reach a larger audience and author a book one day, and plan to attend the She Speaks conference in 2014, Lord willing. I trust that if this is in God's plan, it will happen.